Kevin Smith on the economics of making movies (and having a small dick)

I love Kevin Smith. The guys makes me laugh. Most of his films, especially the early ones, do too. It made me happy to hear TPN’s Hobo Radio boys giving Clerks 2 a big high five on their latest episode. And this blog post from the big guy, where he bitch-slaps a film critic called Nikki Finke, made me laugh out loud. This guy should be an example to teachers everywhere. Note how we combines education with humour in the following paragraphs:

Film may be one of the only industries where long-term revenue is marginalized (by the press) in favor of short-term earnings. Weekend grosses are hardly a bellwether of a film’s ultimate success (as far as financials are concerned, at least). A ten million opening weekend for “Clerks II” may not make for sexy headlines, but it puts us on target to hit our profitability mark of twenty million. How many films this summer (shit, in any quarter of the fiscal year) have doubled their budget in their opening weekend? How many will hit their profitability mark theatrically, to the point where home video (wherein the real filthy lucre lies) is all gravy? No matter how many times Nikki cries “failure”, the cold hard truth of the matter is that “Clerks II” will earn. Maybe not big (theatrically), but we’ll earn. Numbers never lie. How hard is it to comprehend a business model that’s outside the norm? For many, not very. For Nikki? It’s old dogs and new tricks (and, in truth, this low budget “trick” isn’t even all that new).

Let me put it another way: I was not gifted with a big dick and I grew up fat (and grew to be even fatter). Because of these shortcomings, I learned to eat pussy really well. That way, ultimately, I can provide a satisfying enough sexual experience where whatever chick was feeling charitable enough to get horizontal with me might reason “He did make me cum once, so I’ll give him another shot,” somewhere down the road. I took that logic into filmmaking, too: my stuff isn’t wildly popular in the mainstream, but if I make up for the lack of audience by spending less, ultimately, I can turn someone a profit. Harvey and Bob Weinstein have always respected this, which is why I still have a job after twelve years and no theatrical grosser over $30mil. In essence, Harvey and Bob have only financed five of the seven flicks I’ve made because… well, because I lick their pussies well enough, I guess.

Now, if all teachers could emulate Kevin’s approach to teaching with humour, I think school would be a lot more fun for everyone involved, don’t you?

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